Very sad news: my life partner of 27 years, husband of 11, Gacin Barkett passed suddenly on June 15 2023 of a severe head injury. He was one of the most vibrant, curious, kind and funny people I’ve ever known and the love of my life. I adored him above all for his sentimentality; I knew he was the one for me when he wept at the end of a comedic film we both loved, Auntie Mame. Over time it came out that we both identified with Mame Dennis, the protector and educator of her orphaned nephew Patrick. Thus when it came time for us to think about charitable work, the Hetrick-Martin Institute was a natural. This multifaceted non-profit, centered on the care and education of queer youth, was born when life partners Drs. Hetrick & Martin “heard the heartbreaking story of a homeless 15-year-old boy who had been beaten and thrown out of his emergency shelter because he was gay.” To quote a disco song Gacin introduced me to, and which is important to the ballroom culture that has become part of HMI’s own culture: “What it is! This ain’t no game, it’s a love thang!”

He, I and his mother Kathleen Thomas all connected over a love of contemporary art. Kathleen earned a Whitney Fellowship in the late 1970s – which coincidentally allowed teen-aged Gacin to view the throbbing gay scene of Greenwich Village of the time – and she became part of the equally pulsating downtown New York arts scene. Look up “Space Toys” on YouTube and you’ll see what I mean. Gacin then went on to participate in documenting Modern Art in general through working with Pace Gallery. He would regale me with the joys of discovering the early works of Mark Rothko, which led him to increased awe at the master’s mature work. Also he would tell me how difficult it was to photograph Agnes Martin and Robert Ryman, which paradoxically led to greater appreciation of both artists. I myself would spend a couple of seasons editing “Post-War and Contemporary” catalogs for Christie’s. Never heard of Cindy Sherman before that and, um, wow! This also deepened our friendship for two underappreciated downtown painters named Regina Bartkoff and Charlie Schick. Side note: Julian Schnabel’s a dick.

Overlapping with his art coverage, Gacin was an active participant in New York nightlife at its zenith. Starting out underage at the Pyramid Club (hey it was 1980s Manhattan, nobody checked ID), he would be waved in at legendary places like Area, Mars, Boybar and Susanne Bartsch’s Copacabana parties (He bragged that he was the only one at every Copacabana, until DJ Johnny Dynell clocked him that he was as well, DJing on a different floor than Sister Dimension (everybody say “pickle surprise” (look it up))). It prepared him for the preferential treatment we would receive at uptown cabarets like Feinstein’s at the Regency and Cafe Carlyle, which was in large part due to his humane and kind treatment of the staff.

As much as we were city boys, we thoroughly enjoyed spending time with his sister Claire Boland and her family when they lived in rural New Jersey, the part of the state that truly earned the sobriquet “Garden State.” Particularly fond memories include drowsing on a porch swing in gentle rain (there’s a great song named “Gentle Rain” which would always remind us of that), and donning 3D glasses with our nephew August at a young age to share a movie with him.

I can’t end without giving full credit to his cutting wit. I recently saw a New Yorker cartoon with the caption: “Son, if you can’t say something nice, say something clever but devastating.” Yup! Generally it was between us looking at some fashion crime (He loved fashion, when he saw model Carmen Dell’Orefice on the street he yelled “WERQ Miss Carmen” her friend scowled but she beamed, also once Wintour smiled at his Bill Blass shirt and stylish monocular). But don’t come for him! To quote a Lizzo song (he didn’t particularly like, in his best judgmental Fran Lebowitz style) he could be “100% that bitch.”

Wow this is the gayest obituary ever! As it should be, we would both often say if we aren’t “The Gays” who are? Goodnight and amen to the Goddess!!!

To donate to Hetrick-Martin click here.